There is not enough time in the day

Hi everyone!  I know I have not posted in a while.  School, work and training are consuming all of my time.  Only two-ish weeks left of school for the semester.  I've got lots of updates for you!

Injury Update:  The MRI results show that I have torn cartilage in my hip.  I was approved to get a cortisone injection.  However, I can run without pain...so no injection for now.

Running Interval Update:  I am still running intervals of 5 minutes with 90 seconds of walking.  Today I was able to add another interval...to make my total 8 intervals!!!  It's a slow progression, but I know that I am getting stronger every time I run.

Training Update:  The countdown to the race has begun!  I feel comfortable with my training...but I am very nervous about the hills.  So, from now until race day, I will be at John Ball Park to walk the hills every Wednesday evening around 6pm.  Join me!!!

Race Updates (non-Fifth Third River Bank Run):  I had a PR at the Hudsonville Eagle 5K!  It was a great run and a lot of the Road Warriors had PRs and won their age group.  My awesome Road Warrior Coaches ran the Ann Arbor Marathon last week.  Several of the Road Warriors made the trip to cheer them on.  If you haven't been a volunteer or spectator at a Marathon...you have to do it.  It is amazing to see all these people doing an incredible achievement.  It was definitely soul re-affirming for me.  If you are looking for a race to volunteer at, I know several race directors that would welcome more volunteers.  (Gazelle Girl Half Marathon/5K in April, Fifth Third River Bank Run in May and the Metro Health Grand Rapids Marathon in October)  Next weekend is the Gazelle Girl Half Marathon and 5K.  I will be running the 5K...maybe with another PR!

Race Update (Fifth Third River Bank Run):  I had another "30 Seconds of Courage" moment.  One of my coaches mentioned to me that they thought I should do the 5k/10K combo.  My instant response is that I'm not fast enough to do that.  The second problem was that the race is not offering that option this year.  But, she but that bug in my head and I started to think about it.  Could I do?  Could I be fast enough?  Is there enough time to train for that?  The questions zoomed through my head.  I was able to confirm that I could do combo, but would need need to switch bibs.  While this will cause a logistical issue, I still wondered if I could do.  With only 30 Seconds of Courage, I signed up for the 5k.  So, now I am registered to do the 10k run and the 5k walk.  No problem there, right?  Wrong!  I have to complete the 10k in a little less than 80 minutes to make it back to the start line for the walk.  My PR for a 10k is 93 minutes.  I'm terrified just putting this in writing.  Honestly, I don't know if I will be able to make it back in time.  However, I am going to do everything I can up to the race to put me in the best position to do it.

May every day count

If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you are already aware that I workout very early in the morning, at least 6 days a week.  Lately I have posted daily photos of the my view at the gym.  I don't do this to brag about it.  I do it as a way for me to be accountable to all my family and friends.  One of my friends commented that she wished she had a small percentage of my motivation.  This comment really made me think. Is motivation something that can be measured as a percentage?  I really don't believe that it is.  Motivation is a state of being.  You either are motivated or you aren't.  There is no in-between.  A few days later, my wellness coach asked me a similar question.  She asked what makes me so motivated.  My response was only one word:  tenacity.   My tenacity drives motivation. My goal is to make the most of the 1st year following surgery. To do that, I need to go to bed every night knowing that I've done everything humanly possible for my health and fitness.  That is my tenacity.  I am determined to make every day count. I do not give myself an option to make bad choices.   Let me be clear, I do not want anyone thinking that I am trying to be perfect.  In fact, I am far from it.  But, I will try my hardest on a daily basis because I deserve it.

*Warning – not for the faint of heart or the queasy….

Originally, I was going to do a post about the next step in the process. But, I promised to be completely honest. So, today is part information and part confession.

After having bariatric surgery, most patients will have a new superpower.  The superpower is projectile vomiting.  Prior to surgery, I definitely did not have the superpower.  Now, I think I can demonstrate it on command!  Initially, the superpower is way to warn the patient that the stomach is unhappy.  For me, it was generally that I did not chew something enough or I ate something to fast.  On a side note, if either of these things happen DO NOT TRY TO WASH IT DOWN WITH A SIP OF WATER.  You will go from having a superpower to Old Faithful!  As a new bariatric patient, the superpower is actually very useful.  It is a good way to learn how your reduced stomach will operate.

Confession:  Tonight I experienced my superpower for the first time in a few weeks.  However, the reason I experienced it is really at the root of why I had to start this journey.  I am an emotional eater.  Tonight my superpower was directly related to emotional eating.  I worked out twice today and was very low on calories.  I started to panic about getting enough calories in and decided to go with high fat/high calorie food to make up the deficit.  Add that in with the fact that I waited until 8pm to eat and you have a recipe for disaster. Not only did I have very greasy food, I ate it very fast because I was hungry...as I should be at this point in the day.  When I took my last bite I knew INSTANTLY that I would be experiencing my superpower again.  Epic fail.  Morale of the story, my superpower should only be used for good.

And the journey begins

My first official appointment in September of 2013 was  a series of appointments.  I met with the surgeon (Dr. Foote) and a behaviorist. I have to admit I was nervous about meeting with the behaviorist. Basically, they are just there to determine that you are mentally stable  for the surgery.  (Ok, stop laughing...obviously, I passed).  My surgeon was extremely soft-spoken. I expected someone more cavalier.  The next step was to decide when I wanted to have my surgery...

Let's stop for a moment.  I need to make a confession.  I plan almost every minute of my life.  I plan when I sleep, I plan when I watch TV and even when I'm going to goof off.  I don't ever do anything that is not planned in advance.  In fact, I have my schedule set for major things at least 6 months ahead. Yes, I'm that kind of nerd.   In my defense, with a full-time job and going to school part-time, I have to be very diligent about my schedule. Since the surgery, it is more important than ever.

Ok, getting back to my surgery, I only had a small window for surgery. It HAD TO BE the week of spring break and it had to be on the Monday morning of Spring Break. I knew that I needed a full week to recover before going back to school.  So, I knew the date I wanted...it all depended on if insurance would approve it.

First Impressions are VERY Important

In August of 2013 I decided to find out what this surgical thing was all about.  To be honest, I'm not 100% sure what finally made me decide to start the research.  All surgical programs require that you attend a surgical orientation.  Basically, it's just a meeting where they explain the basics of bariatric surgery.  They detail both the positive and negative sides of the various surgeries.  I won't go in to the graphic details, but some of the side effects are quite disgusting.  I attended two different surgery orientations.  If you know me, you know that I need as much information as possible before I can make any decision. (I am definitely a TYPE A personality!)  One presentation was very professional and made it very clear that the decision to get the surgery was ultimately my decision. They went over both the negative and positive side effects and were very honest about the process. They really stressed that the surgery was not the "magic pill".  It was only a tool.  To really change my lifestyle, I would have to make the daily decisions to make that happen. On a side note, if you have never been to a bariatric facility, it is a very interesting experience.  The first thing I noticed was that the chairs were wider than standard chairs and didn't have arms.  For the first time, I didn't have to worry about fitting in a chair!!!  The second presentation was very informal and assumed that I already intended to get the surgery. It really focused on the various surgeries and the excess amount of weight that could be lost with each surgery. It reminded me of the weight loss commercials on TV.  "Need to lose 50 or more pounds? Come to our program and we will do it for you!" After attending both presentations, I made the following decisions:

• If I decided to get the surgery, I would only get the vertical sleeve gastrectomy "sleeve".  The other surgery options were two invasive and had side effects that I did not want to deal with.
• I was going to move forward with the first program because first impressions are very important to me and I didn't want it to be just about the weight loss.

The next week, I contacted the first program to schedule my initial appointments.

Drumroll please...

Thank you all for your kinds words about my first post.  Originally, I wanted to write all of my story before getting to what is going on in my life now.  But, I'm going to stray away from that with this post.  A big part of my journey is learning to give myself credit for the good things that I do...large or small.  So, today I'm giving myself credit for deciding to change my life.   Because of that decision, I am now healthier than I have been in years.  My official weight loss total since surgery is 101 pounds!!!  If I had not made that decision to change my life, I would not be in the physical and mental condition that I am today.  I had my six month post op appointment last Monday and this Tuesday I have a follow up appointment with my primary care physician (PCP). I'm hoping  to hear more goods news about my recent round of lab tests.  Until next time....

I didn't work for it

Today is my 6 month surgiversary. It seems odd to celebrate a date where I voluntarily removed the majority of my stomach (like I’m celebrating the death of my stomach). To celebrate, I am starting this blog. I want to talk about my journey before the sleeve and after the sleeve, in a real way. I’m not going to pass over the frustrating or negative aspects. In fact, if you only want to read only positive posts, you should probably read someone else’s blog. I want to be honest with everyone that is reading this, and with myself. So, I’ll begin with the story of my life before the Sleeve. I am married, in my mid-thirties (Ssshhh…don’t tell!) and do not have any children. I can’t remember a time that I wasn’t overweight. I don’t remember ever shopping in the “normal size” section of clothing stores. Basically, I have been overweight my entire life. And, I have always “known” that I was overweight. I’ve done plenty of commercial weight loss programs. I joined my first one when I was teenager. I have started and then quit so many times that I have a graveyard of dieting materials in my bookcase. I was NEVER an athlete. The idea of getting up and running, even when I was younger, seemed stupid to me. Why would anyone ever do that to themselves? In the past few years, I tried adding exercise to my dieting. I even worked with a personal trainer for a while. But, nothing seemed to work. Ok, let’s be honest…I didn’t work for it!

Our Deepest Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,  our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marianne Williamson