Good morning/afternoon/evening to you, wherever you are. It's a little before 7am and I am up writing this post, listening to classical music and drinking a cup of coffee. I just noticed that on my desktop I have an image of my goal races for the year. There were five. One was cancelled and one was postponed to the date of the final one. So, that leaves me with two races, neither of which I was extremely excited about. They were just build up races for my goal race, which isn't happening. I'll have to do a different post about this because I'm feeling surprisingly bummed writing this paragraph. Oh well, this is the world we live in. And on to the topic of the day…

When I started isolation two weeks ago, I never thought I would struggle with it. I am an introvert and really believed I was built for this. I find myself reaching out to people more often than I did before. I check in on people I haven't talked to in longer than I care to admit. I'm connecting with people. But, while socially I am more connected, physically I feel disconnected. I am not getting my workouts in. I plan them and get my clothes ready. I write down my plan and for running I pick my route. But, that is where it stops. I can't physically make myself put my clothes on and get out the door. I even bought some home workout stuff so that I would be motivated to do strength training. I mean, who doesn't love a good slam ball? But still, everything remains in the box that I put it in. Collecting dust. As sad music plays in the background, I can see a camera image of lonely gym equipment and running shoes going unused. (Wow, this is getting a little emotional for me)

The problem is that I don't feel like myself. I spend the majority of my day trying to keep it together for other people…work, family, animals. By the time the day ends, I am emotionally exhausted. At first I thought I could use evenings to catch up on reading. But, I am so tired most days that I can't even keep my eyes open. Or, on the flip side, if I am highly irritated from my day, I turn to alcohol. I don’t feel like I'm in a good place. While everyone offers to be there for a. phone call, facetime or zoom chat….it's not something anyone else can fix. In addition to connecting with other people, I MUST make it a priority to connect with myself. If I allow everyone else to take all the "pieces of me" there will be nothing leftover. I have to make myself a priority in my day. For me, I think the only way that I can do that is to take the time to workout in the morning. Mornings before 7 are my time. Instead of staying in bed or getting up to sleep on the couch, I have to put on my workout clothes and get out the door. For me to not only survive this quarantine, I need to do it to thrive.

I was listening to a podcast yesterday that talked about where you will be physically when this is over. Will you be up 15 pounds and your clothes don't fit? Did you maintain and not loose any ground? Or did you thrive and are better off than before? I want to thrive. I want to say that I struggled but I owned the situation and came out better. I want to know that regardless of the circumstances, I can truly survive anything. I have to. Because where I am at now, is not where I want to be at all.