I'm Still Here

Good morning/afternoon/evening to you, wherever you are.  It's a little before 7am and I am up writing this post, listening to classical music and drinking a cup of coffee.  I just noticed that on my desktop I have an image of my goal races for the year. There were five.  One was cancelled and one was postponed to the date of the final one.  So, that leaves me with two races, neither of which I was extremely excited about.  They were just build up races for my goal race, which isn't happening. I'll have to do a different post about this because I'm feeling surprisingly bummed writing this paragraph. Oh well, this is the world we live in.  And on to the topic of the day…

When I started isolation two weeks ago, I never thought I would struggle with it.  I am an introvert and really believed I was built for this.  I find myself reaching out to people more often than I did before.  I check in on people I haven't talked to in longer than I care to admit.  I'm connecting with people.  But, while socially I am more connected, physically I feel disconnected.  I am not getting my workouts in.  I plan them and get my clothes ready.  I write down my plan and for running I pick my route.  But, that is where it stops.  I can't physically make myself put my clothes on and get out the door.  I even bought some home workout stuff so that I would be motivated to do strength training.  I mean, who doesn't love a good slam ball?  But still, everything remains in the box that I put it in.  Collecting dust.  As sad music plays in the background, I can see a camera image of lonely gym equipment and running shoes going unused.  (Wow, this is getting a little emotional for me)

 The problem is that I don't feel like myself.  I spend the majority of my day trying to keep it together for other people…work, family, animals.  By the time the day ends, I am emotionally exhausted.  At first I thought I could use evenings to catch up on reading.  But, I am so tired most days that I can't even keep my eyes open.  Or, on the flip side, if I am highly irritated from my day, I turn to alcohol.  I don’t feel like I'm in a good place.  While everyone offers to be there for a. phone call, facetime or zoom chat….it's not something anyone else can fix.  In addition to connecting with other people, I MUST make it a priority to connect with myself.  If I allow everyone else to take all the "pieces of me" there will be nothing leftover.  I have to make myself a priority in my day.  For me, I think the only way that I can do that is to take the time to workout in the morning.  Mornings before 7 are my time.  Instead of staying in bed or getting up to sleep on the couch, I have to put on my workout clothes and get out the door.  For me to not only survive this quarantine, I need to do it to thrive. 

 I was listening to a podcast yesterday that talked about where you will be physically when this is over.  Will you be up 15 pounds and your clothes don't fit? Did you maintain and not loose any ground?  Or did you thrive and are better off than before?  I want to thrive.  I want to say that I struggled but I owned the situation and came out better.  I want to know that regardless of the circumstances, I can truly survive anything.  I have to.  Because where I am at now, is not where I want to be at all.

Can There Be Anything Positive In Uncertainty?

I want this page to be inspirational and motivational.  I want you to read my thoughts and know that each word is meant to help get you moving. But, in the past days/weeks, I wasn't sure if it was right to continue on as if nothing has changed.  Because that is not our reality right now.  Like it or not, everything has changed.  New words are part of our daily vocabularly.  Social distancing, Covid-19 and self quarantine are words/phrases that I did not really know last month.  

Earlier this week my work required that we become 100% remote employees.  Going from 1 day a week to 5 has been and will probably be a struggle for quite some time.  And, it did not help that I fought it for the first two days.  I wasn't happy.  I didn't have my routine.  People were looking to me for advice and answers but I didn't even have them for myself.  I did not want to be in the situation.  Talking with a friend, she reminded me that I always have two options.  I could either continue to fight it or I can learn to accept it so I can find my new normal.   No lie, but I did not like that honesty.  Just like a young child, I wanted to throw a tantrum and say how unfair this was.    But, even though I wanted to fight it, I also did not like how I was feeling.  I felt emotionally drained.  I felt like every day life was changing and there was no end in sight.  So, I finally decided that it was time to accept it.

I can't say accepting what is going on is easy.  I start my day with the best attitude.  I even added a 3 o'clock dance party to help my mood.  But, by the end of the day I am still struggling.  Not getting activity isn't helping either.  My home doesn't have a lot of space for working out. I ran one morning. But since that day, it's been cold and now wet/cold.  And races being cancelled or postponed has not helped either.

Last night, just like the evenings before, I was my bad mood was taking over.  River Bank Run was postponed to the same day as my initial goal race.  Gazelle Girl is now virtual.  I can't meet up with my fellow runners.  I felt a really low moment.  But, somehow, in the next moment an amazing thought came to me.  With my now open schedule, I can decide exactly what I want to do for my races.  I'm not tied to any race.  I can travel to a bucket list race.  I can focus on my nutrition.  I can work on getting consistent runs in each week.  Normally, rain and cold wouldn't stop me from running.  I let them stop me.  But, with everything going on, this can be a fresh start.  Without time commitments or family commitments for that matter, I can focus on what really makes me happy…training.  I don't know when I will be able to return to work or the gym.  I can only take each day and do what I am able to do today.  Today, I choose to look at the possibilities instead of the limitations.

It's Okay to Rest

Why are people so afraid of rest? It's as if being busy is a badge of honor.  And rest is for the unmotivated.  But is that really the case?   I have a friend that started her fitness journey before the holidays.  But, she is afraid of taking a day off.  In her mind, taking a day off means that she is more likely not to go back to the gym.  It’s a slippery slope that ends with her giving up her new healthy lifestyle.

I totally get that train of thought.  Why would you want to intentionally take a day of rest when you could workout?  Well, here's the thing.  Rest is an important part of training.  Whether you are trying to get stronger or run a faster mile time, rest is ESSENTIAL to reaching your goal.

Rest plays to important functions in your fitness. *I am not a doctor or scientist, this is just what I have learned from my own experiences.  Rest gives your muscles time to relax and recover.  When you workout you stress your muscles.  If you do it every day, your muscles never have time to rebuild from the stress.  Rest allows your muscles the time to rebuild and get stronger.  The second piece is the mental side of taking a rest.  Just like your muscles, your brain needs time to rest and recover.  Have you ever had a very emotional day?  Then, you take a power nap and you feel 1,000% better?   That is what goes on in your brain when you take a day off.  It gets a chance to reset and refocus. 

To complicate things a little more, I believe in two types of rest day.  There is active rest and total rest.  Active rest means you continue to move your body but in a way that does not cause any stress.  This could be a nice afternoon walk, restorative yoga or stretching while watching TV.  Total rest means exactly that.  You don't work out or move your body at all.  For those that struggle with taking a rest day, I recommend trying active rest first.  It's a good way to ease yourself into the idea of resting. But remember, active rest means you are NOT getting your heart rate up.   

At this point, I guess you are thinking…"Sure Sarah, self-care, rest, taking a day off.  None of this will happen. Blah blah blah".  Personally, I plan a rest day every week.  I take every Monday off as a rest day.  Because I plan it, I don't feel guilty.  It is just part of what I do and is part of my routine.  You may decide to pick a day of the week.  Or, you can pick you day based on how your body feels.  Maybe you wake up in the morning and your legs feel like jello…that might be a good day to take a rest.  Or, maybe you fall asleep right after dinner and sleep for 9-10 hours.  This might be your body telling you it needs a rest.  Listen to it!

Bottom line, rest is just as important as working out.  You just have to figure out how/when rest will benefit you the most.  I give you permission to take a rest day.  Your body will thank you for it. 

Let me know what you think about taking rest days in the comments! What works for you?

Fear (and a video!)

At least two years ago, I was working out with a trainer when he had me do a box jump.  This was a first for me.  Jumping and explosive movements are not my forte.  I prefer to stay firmly grounded.  So I'm scared, but I go for it with all the gusto that I have….  And…. My toes clip the edge of the box and I fall backwards onto my booty in front of the whole gym.  Now, was everyone watching?  Of course not.  But, did I feel like they were? Absolutely. I laughed it off, but it stuck with me.  Since that day, I have not attempted another box jump.

You may not know this about me but I love the Biggest Loser.  I named my dog after Jillian Michaels.  I went to the Biggest Loser 5k in Chicago a few times.  I find it extremely inspiring to see all these people doing things they thought were impossible.  Now, don't go saying that it is an unrealistic reality tv show.  I totally get that.  I still find it very inspiring.  

The new season of the Biggest Loser started a few weeks ago on the USA Network.  In the second episode there is a woman (Phi) that just pulls at my heart.  She attempts a box jump for the first time.  She didn’t do it on the first try.  But, she did on the second!  I was extremely inspired watching her.  Here was this woman giving her all.  Why couldn't I do it?   So, I decided to reach out to her because I wanted her to know that she inspired me to want to try it again.  Here was her response.  

"Keep up at it and try again!!!! Listen you see I almost fell myself but I'm keeping at it and challenging myself.!!  I'm glad I can inspire, but let's do this together!  When are WE going to try again!!!"

Honestly, I found her response to be both inspiring and intimidating.  Not only was this woman telling me that I could do it…she wanted to do it with me, in a supportive sense.  Now that's pressure.  So, this morning I went to PF to do my usual Sunday morning strength routine.  I planned to try a box jump at the end of the workout.  The closer it got to the end, the more nervous I got.  When it came time to confront the bench/platform, I stood their paralyzed with fear.  But, I knew I had to try because someone was counting on me to try again.  I decided to take baby steps and start with weight plates instead of the platform.  Check this video out to see what happened…

I sent the end of the video to Phi to show her what I had done.  Sometimes we need support to help us get over our fears!

Nothing Is Perfect

We've all been there.  We get a brand new training plan and if you are a strong type A person like me you add it to your planner, your calendar, the family board….all the places.  You are excited to begin training knowing you have a goal at the end.  We see our training plan as a perfectly straight incline to our ultimate goal.

,The problem is that nothing is perfect.  We may plan every run down to the minute, but life always happens.  One of the kids gets sick.  You have to work late.  You are exhausted from your day.  You wake up feeling the cold you have been trying to avoid.  And one day you may just feel like skipping your workout entirely, for no reason at all.  It happens to everyone!

Okay, I know you are thinking right now that you know this already.  Duh, Sarah, I know no one is perfect.  Well, I have two points that I want you to take away from this….

First, have patience with yourself.  When life happens, don't feel guilty because you didn't get a run in.  If you aren't feeling well, don't feel bad if you need to take an extra rest day.  When your legs feel heavy and the don't want to run, make it a nice long walk instead.  Don't punish yourself because you aren't living up to the expectations that you set.  (Whoo, real talk there)

Second, keep showing up when life happens.  Even if you feel like you will never catch up on your training plan.  Even if you feel like you are too far behind everyone else.  Even if you feel like giving up.  Please, just show up!

Trying Something New. Hello CrossFit

A couple years ago, a friend introduced me to some documentaries on Netflix about these fitness games from the past few years.  I was hooked from the first one.  It is the Fittest On Earth movies about the CrossFit games.  Before watching these movies I did not know much of anything about CrossFit or the CrossFit games.  I assumed it was something like the Spartan Races with people pushing themselves in crazy obstacles all to get fit.  I found the documentaries to be inspiring.  These athletes were pushing their bodies beyond anything that I could understand.  They were disciplined.  They worked hard to achieve superior results.  They were my vision of what it meant to be an athlete.  All the things I love.  I was intrigued.  These people were strong and fit.  And, I wanted to be just like them.

It took me a couple years to work up the courage.  But, in August of 2019 I finally decided to try a class.  I contacted the local CrossFit gym and made a commitment to attend my first class.  I was SOOOOO incredibly nervous.  Luckily, I decided to make their foundations (elements) class my first since I did not feel I was ready to even sample a full class.  It was a small group of 4-8 people learning the movements and then completing a workout.   In the foundations class all the people are new…so I wasn't the only one that was nervous. I was hooked.  We learned movements like the deadlift, squat and power clean.  Because I was new to CrossFit, I had to take 8 elements classes before moving to a full standard class.  There were a lot of movements that we hard for me.  Hello Wall Balls!  And movements that made my body jiggle more than I was comfortable with.  Dang you Burpees!   But, even with some work travel in my schedule, I kept going.  It took me a while to get all 8 classes in.  But, I did it!  Was it easy?  No, it was definitely hard work.  But, was it something I couldn't do? Absolutely not.  The coaches helped to modify movements and workouts based on my physical abilities.  They never made me feel like I was less than anyone else because I couldn't do something. 

I graduated from elements in September.  But, that was when my back issue decided to take control of my life.  Wanting to play it safe, I backed off of CrossFit until I felt more comfortable.   Here's the thing, as with my article about depression, I became frightened by CrossFit…more so than I think I normally would be.  I was terrified that my lack of knowledge of a movement would cause bad form which would make my back injury worse.  Was any of this true?  No.  But, my brain believed it was.   

As I started to feel better and my back returned to a more even level of pain my trainer recommended that I try more Olympic Lifting style of movements to help strengthen my spine. So, I tried one of they Olympic Lifting classes at the CrossFit gym.  Now, to say I was awe-inspired would be a huge understatement.  These were normal every day people doing amazing power cleans. Their form was beautiful and the weight was impressive.  At first I was intimidated with my junior barbell and really small baby plates.  But as people got into their own workout groove, I realized no one was watching me.  They were all focused on their own goals. 

Now, I know that I normally jump feet first into things that I am uncomfortable with.  I like the sense of accomplishment when I am done.  With CrossFit, I will say that I am still terrified every time I go.  I'm my own worse critic.  I know that I will probably be the slowest one there and that I will lift the least amount of weight.  What I have to remind myself  is that it is not about comparing myself to others.  The only person that I'm competing against is me.  And, if I am last, so what?  If I have to modify a movement, so what?  If I can't complete a workout in the time limit, so what?   I am doing this for me and no one else.

So, today, Monday January 20, 2020, the skill is deadlifts…which I LOVE!  The workout is 7 minutes of burpees…which I hate.  It is a movement that makes me feel incredibly out of shape…even though I'm not.  But, I will go to the class today even though I am scared of the workout…because I am doing this for me and I want to be stronger.

Depression is Real

Last year at this time, I posted some strategies to help deal with anxiety and depression around the Holidays.  I just re-read through that post.  There are some really good strategies.  But, what if you can't make yourself do them?  What if your depression won't let you do anything to make you feel better?

Let's have some honest talk.  And this is very personal talk for me.  I know I talk about honesty and transparency but this is tough for me to type.  But, one thing I strongly believe is that the most difficult things to discuss are the most important things for other people to hear (read).

I have been down for a while.  When I say down, I mean that I don't enjoy my usual activities.  I have a to do list that is quite long, but I can't make myself do it. I don't feel back but at the same time I don't feel good.   And, if I think back, it all started at the end of September when I hurt my back.  It started out as something very small.  I worried that exercising would make my back issue worse.  I worried that doing my normal routine would make my pain worse. I worried that running would cause more pain. I worried that strength training would make it worse. What I didn't realize is that my worries were just a cover.  My depression was about to come back with a vengeance and I didn't see it. I just thought I was scared.  I just thought this was a normal reaction to a chronic injury flaring up. 

But, I was wrong.  VERY wrong.  I didn't realize until recently that my depression was slowly taking hold.  Oh, there were plenty of signs.  I had more sass in my conversations.  I was short with people.  I started to cancel on friends when we made plans.  I would make my own plans and cancel them.  My secret eating started to happen again.  All the signs that I know are not what my "normal" is.   (And, when I say normal, I mean baseline personality…what I am like every day…not what society's expectations of normal are). 

And, the realization that I was depressed scared me.  I am really good about getting myself out of a funk.  I can exercise my way to happiness.  Thank you endorphins.  I could make myself work out and then my depression would eventually calm down.  But, this time, I couldn't make myself workout.  I could make myself go for a walk.  I couldn't make myself do something.  I was too far into my depression.  And I was scared because I couldn't control it.

Luckily, I can make an appointment with my doctor online.  If I had to call to make an appointment, I don't know if I would have.  I was able to get an appointment for the next day.  I was nervous to talk to her.  I mean, who wants to admit something is wrong?  She was extremely kind and explained a lot of options and we came up with a treatment plan.

So, what's my point in telling you all this?  I want you to know that you never really know what someone is going through.  If a friend cancels on you, it could be because they don't have the energy to walk out the door. And, that it is okay to get help.  

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

Happy New Year! Do You!

Happy New Year!   I hope you rang in the New Year however was most enjoyable for you.  Personally, I went to sleep early as I will never be a night owl! 

Over the weekend I noticed that Facebook and Instagram were full of ads for all sorts of planners and programs to reach new goals.   Every time I scroll through social media I am hammered with these ads.  I also see a lot of posts about how the previous year went, goals for 2020 and hopes for the future.  I didn’t even realize it was the end of the decade.  I’m getting emails about simplifying my life and getting organized this year.  It feels like “New Year, Better You” is slapping me in the face right now.  (I mean no offense if you posted something about this stuff)  Normally, I would be all about resolutions, goals, personal development, starting fresh…all the things.  But this year it’s different.  

There are two words that keep coming to mind as I see all this “stuff”.  “DO YOU!”  By this, I mean you have to do what is best FOR YOU and no one else.  Please don’t feel like you have to change something in the New Year.  Don’t feel like your 2019 wasn’t good enough.  Don’t feel like you have to become a morning person because everyone gets more stuff done in the morning.  Don’t feel like you aren’t good enough just the way you are (oh, true feelings on this one).  On the flip side, if you want to start organizing your house, please do!  If you want to run a 5k, go for it!  If you want to start journaling your food, make it happen!   If YOU want to make a change, then YOU can do it!    Do what is best for YOU. 

DO YOU!

How To Plan Your Week If You Aren't A Planner

I am a type A personality to my core.   I'm such a strong type A  that I should be an A+.  I love my planner.  I love my calendar. I love training schedules (yes, I already added the Gazelle Girl training schedule to my planner).  I love sitting down to figure out my plan for the week and color-coding my planner.  I love sharing my plans for the week and then sharing when I complete my goals. Planning is one way that I make sure to do the work to achieve all my running goals.  High five if you are like me!  If not, don't worry!  I have a few tips if you need help in the workout planning department…or if you are just looking for new ideas.

1. Make time for your workouts and schedule it in your calendar. If I don't plan something, it doesn't happen. Every Sunday, I sit down and add my workout plans for the week to my planner.

2. Share your workout plans on Facebook and Instagram. If you need public accountability, this is the best way to do it. Let people know what you are planning to do.

3. II put together all my workout outfits for the week. It's like meal prepping but with clothes. The last thing I want to think about in the morning is what to wear. I have these cute bags that I fill with my leggings, top, socks and sports bra. I put together the basics and then add other items the night before depending on the weather.

4. If you prefer to workout with friends, start a group text/email to discuss when you can workout together each week. Every Friday, I start a group email to my friends and we coordinate our schedules to figure out when we can workout together.

I hope at least one of these ideas is interesting to you.  Give it a try and let me know how it goes!